The Delay and Replace Strategy

Sally Panks
Sep 13
3 min read

Delay & Replace. A Safer Way to Ride Out Urges to Self-Harm

If you live with urges to self-harm, you already know how intense and convincing they can feel. The delay and replace technique gives you a practical, moment-by-moment way to lower that intensity and choose safer alternatives, without shaming yourself. It’s not about “never” having an urge; it’s about surviving the urge and slowly building new coping habits.

The two steps — simple, but powerful

Delay - When an urge appears, commit to waiting for a short, defined time. Even 30 seconds changes the chemistry of an urge; it’s more like surfing a wave than being swept away. Try a specific pledge you’ll use every time, e.g., “I’ll wait 5 minutes.”
Replace - During that pause, do one of your chosen safer alternatives. Something that redirects intensity, provides sensory input, or helps you process feelings. The goal isn’t to “fix” everything, just to keep you safe until the urge eases.

Safer replacement options (pick a few that feel right)

Below are evidence-informed categories with examples. Build a short personal list you can use in the moment.

Sensory / grounding

Hold an ice cube in your hand or splash cold water on your face (briefly).
Flick an electric band gently on your skin
Rub a textured object (a stone, scrub brush) with intention.
Draw patterns on your skin where you feel the urge.
Use your favourite fiddle or fidget toy for relaxation and regulation.

Physical (safe, intense sensations)

Take a very cold or hot shower (if safe for you) focus on the changing sensation.
Squeeze a stress ball, or do rapid hand/fist clenching for 30–60 seconds.
Do 30 seconds of vigorous jumping jacks or pushups to discharge energy.

Emotional processing

Write in a journal: write how you feel, then tear it up.
Text or call a pre-chosen supportive person with a short script like “I’m struggling. Can you talk?”
Use a voice memo to record your feelings, then listen back later.

Creative / distracting

Draw a quick image, scribble with heavy pressure, or colour for 5–10 minutes.
Put on a playlist of songs you’ve chosen for different moods and play one at full volume.
Do a short creative task (untangle headphones, fold origami, knit a few rows).

Cognitive grounding

Name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, one you can taste (5–4–3–2–1 technique).
Repeat a calming phrase or mantra, e.g., “This will pass.”
Count backward from 100 by sevens, or recite the months of the year backward.

Aftercare / repair

Do something gentle after the urge passes: wrap in a blanket, make a warm drink, apply a soothing lotion.
Log the incident briefly in a private note: what triggered it, what worked, what didn’t. Small wins help build confidence.

How to make Delay & Replace stick

Plan ahead. Create a short list (3–6 options) and keep it where you’ll see it, phone note, wallet card, or a sticky note.
Set a timer. Use a phone alarm for 5–20 minutes to commit to the delay.
Practice during calmer times. Try the replacements when you’re not in crisis so they’re familiar when you need them.
Build a mini safety kit. Include items for sensory grounding (ice pack, textured object), creativity (pen, small notebook), and a list of contacts. Our kits are a good start.
Pair with support. Tell a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about your “delay and replace” plan so they can help if you reach out.

Safety planning & when to get extra help

If you feel you might act on urges imminently or you have a safety plan already, follow it and contact someone you trust or your clinician.
If you’re in immediate danger or think you might seriously hurt yourself, please contact emergency services now or go to your local emergency department.
If you’re in the UK, Samaritans are available 24/7 at 116 123 for support. If you are elsewhere, reach out to your local crisis line or emergency services.

You are not alone. Practicing how to delay and replace, along with self care can help you to become self-harm free.

Please take a look at previous blogs on

• Grounding Techniques

• Safety Plans

• Breathing Techniques

• The Power of Jounaling

• Self Care

These will help cement the Delay and Replace Strategy.