How to support someone who is self-harming.

Supporting someone who is self-harming can feel overwhelming, but your care can make a real difference. Here are practical, compassionate ways to help, while also protecting your own wellbeing.

How to support them

1. Lead with empathy, not judgment

• Let them know you care and you’re glad they told you.

• Use calm, non-shaming language. Avoid reactions like anger, shock, or ultimatums.

2. Listen more than you talk

• You don’t need to “fix” it. Being present and listening without interrupting is powerful.

• Validate feelings even if you don’t understand the behavior: “It sounds like you’re in a lot of pain.”

3. Don’t pressure or interrogate

• Avoid demanding they stop or asking for graphic details.

• Ask open, gentle questions if they’re open to it: “What usually helps even a little when it’s hardest?”

4. Encourage professional help

• Suggest options like a therapist, counsellor, school counsellor, or doctor.

• Offer to help with logistics (finding providers, making an appointment, going with them).

5. Focus on safer coping, not control

• If they’re willing, help brainstorm alternatives that reduce harm (e.g., holding ice, snapping a rubber band, grounding exercises, creative outlets).

• Respect that change often takes time.

6. Know when to escalate

• If you believe they’re in immediate danger or talking about suicide, it’s okay to reach out to emergency services or a trusted adult/professional, even if they ask you not to. Safety comes first.

7. Take care of yourself

• Supporting someone can be heavy. Set boundaries and seek support for yourself (a friend, counsellor).

• You’re not responsible for their choices.

Remember you are not alone in this 🧡💚