Trauma Responses - The 4 F’s

Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn: Trauma Responses That Look Like “Bad Behaviour”

When someone lashes out, shuts down, or can’t stop fidgeting, it’s easy to label it as “bad behaviour.” But often, what we’re seeing is a trauma response, a survival instinct kicking in when the nervous system senses danger, whether real or perceived.

We’ve all heard of “Fight or Flight,” but there are actually four common trauma responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn. Each one is a way the body tries to stay safe when it feels threatened.

💥 Fight – This response looks like anger, irritability, or aggression. It’s the nervous system preparing to confront a perceived threat head-on. A child who seems “defiant” or an adult who snaps quickly may actually be trying to protect themselves from something that feels overwhelming.

💨 Flight – This shows up as restlessness, anxiety, or avoidance. Constantly busy? Always running from one thing to the next? You might be in flight mode, subconsciously trying to outrun discomfort or fear.

❄️ Freeze – Sometimes, the safest thing the body can do is shut down. This can look like zoning out, going numb, or feeling stuck. Someone in freeze mode may seem lazy or disengaged, but inside they’re just overwhelmed and frozen in fear.

🙏 Fawn – This is the least talked about, but incredibly common. Fawning means people-pleasing to avoid conflict or danger. It looks like over-apologising, ignoring your own needs, or constantly seeking approval. Many learn this response early in life to keep themselves safe.

Understanding these responses changes how we see ourselves and others. Instead of judging, we can respond with compassion. Because beneath the surface of “bad behaviour” is often just someone doing their best to survive.

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