Recognising the Early Signs of Self-Harm

Recognising the Early Signs of Self-Harm

Today I want to talk about something that I think is incredibly important when it comes to self-harm - the early signs.

And I want to start by saying something really important:

Self-harm can begin at a much younger age than many people realise.

We can start seeing early behaviours from around seven or eight years old, and sometimes even younger. Around the age of eight is often when those early signs may start becoming noticeable.

But please don’t hear that and immediately think, “My child does that, so they’re going to become a self-harmer.”

That is absolutely not what I’m saying.

Seeing one of these behaviours doesn’t mean that somebody will necessarily go on to develop a pattern of self-harm, or become caught in what can sometimes become a very difficult cycle.

What it does mean is that it’s worth being mindful, curious and compassionate.

Some early behaviours can include things like pulling your hair, biting your nails excessively, nipping or pinching yourself, scratching yourself, biting yourself, head butting walls/doors or punching yourself.

Sometimes it can be repeatedly picking at skin or wounds, deliberately causing pain, or finding other ways of hurting the body when someone is overwhelmed by their emotions.

And sometimes these behaviours can look quite insignificant.

A child might say, “I don’t know why I did it.”

Or perhaps they become frustrated, angry, anxious or overwhelmed and their immediate response is to hurt themselves.

That doesn’t automatically mean self-harm.

Children and adults can have habits and behaviours that aren’t connected to self-harm at all.

It’s the context that’s important.

Ask yourself: What’s happening before the behaviour? How are they feeling? What happens afterwards?

Are they using pain or physical sensation to cope with overwhelming emotions?

Are they struggling to communicate something they don’t have the words for?

Are they becoming increasingly withdrawn, anxious, angry or distressed?

Or are you noticing several of these things happening together?

And this is where early intervention can be incredibly valuable.

We don’t have to wait until somebody has significant injuries before we take their emotional wellbeing seriously.

We can start talking about emotions when they’re little.

We can teach children that it’s okay to say, “I’m angry,” “I’m frightened,” “I’m overwhelmed,” “I don’t know what I’m feeling,” or simply, “I’m not okay.”

We can help them find healthy ways to regulate those emotions and give them safe distractions and coping strategies before things potentially escalate.

And please remember, self-harm isn’t attention-seeking.

For many people, it’s a coping mechanism. It’s a way of managing something internally that feels too big, too painful or too difficult to express.

So if you notice something that concerns you, try not to respond with anger, punishment or “Why would you do that?”

Instead, try:

“I’ve noticed you’ve been doing this. I’m not angry with you. I just want to understand what’s going on and how I can help.”

That one sentence could open a door.

And if you’re a parent, carer, teacher or somebody who works with children, please don’t be afraid of having conversations about emotions.

Talking about self-harm doesn’t put the idea into someone’s head.

This is exactly what the Barnaby The Worry Monster children’s book is designed for - to help children understand and recognise difficult emotions and learn to vocalise them.

Also our distraction boxes help create a pause between the thought pattern and the action. Learning healthy coping strategies.

And this is exactly why it is so important to get My distraction boxes and Barnaby into primary schools.

What it can do is let somebody know that they’re not alone, that they can talk, and that help is available.

So, if you notice those early signs, don’t panic.

Notice. Listen. Ask questions. Offer support.

Because early signs don’t have to become a lifelong cycle.

Sometimes, simply having somebody recognise that you’re struggling and help you find another way to cope can make an enormous difference.

I’m Sally from S&L Self-Harm Distraction Kits, and that’s exactly why early awareness, understanding and prevention matter so much.

Please look after yourselves, look out for each other, and remember, it’s never too early to start a conversation about emotional wellbeing. 💚🧡